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+ spring's shrieking violet +
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[23 Jun 2005|09:46pm] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
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music |
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Placebo -- Passive Aggressive |
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I think this is the last entry I am ever going to write in this journal. I know, what a pain in the ass, to continually dump and make new journals, but I don't really care at this point. I know, perhaps some of you think I am being rather selfish and annoying right now, but keep in mind... a finger pointed at someone is 4 more fingers pointed back at oneself. Also, I'm perfectly capable of clicking on a SN of my own accord and speaking to whoever I want to speak to. I don't need to be reminded.
Someone sent me a very clever website touting the reasons why "nice guys" are losers. Gotta say I agree with what the author had to say about such people. I also find the "man that had no spine" story to be extremely amusing. But, I think this information needed to be taken rather more seriously, especially in conjunction to the page about emotional manipulators. Now that shit was scary.
Continuing on, I'm coming to realize that for better or worse this kind of relationship has become a common pattern in my life. I offer quite a bit of generosity to some target or another, and it fetters into complete chaos. The three outcomes I've had have been: rebelling from my generosity, being indifferent to it, and completely sucking the life out of me.
( HOLY SHIT cut for length. )
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[18 Jun 2005|12:49am] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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The Beatles -- Octopus's Garden |
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01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song(s) reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal.
Memeage. XD Brady told me to.
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[17 Jun 2005|10:33pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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Muse -- Unintended |
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You know the shadow personality theory? I like that theory. I think I really agree with it, when I'm totally honest with myself.
In other news, I haven't written in a long time and I still have nothing to say. Life has been "life" as it is.
I saw the specialist doctor on Monday. I'm apparently going to be okay. Good news, good news, but I'll still end up on meds.
I'munna see Yoru-chan on July 8th. OMGWTFBBQ~!!!!!! I need to look for things for us to do, as Michigan can be very boring. Also, I feel the need to attempt to lose some weight and actually practice playing with Aziel before she gets here. My laziness is embarrassing.
I bought a bunch of video games the other day. I was feeling emo this weekend so I blew like $200. Not all on video games. On clothes, junk, and food, too. My mom and I ordered a pizza. I also bought her a gift, I got her some of her favorite perfume from Victoria's Secret. I got a Prince of Persia game, Silent Hill 4, this weirdass thing called Still Life, and The Sims. XDDD I've been playing The Sims the most. I love making big gay communes and doing bizarre things to them. I ended up with another alien baby. Except this one's not as ugly as the other one. This one is actually kinda cool. She's the product of a drag queen and his beat-up househusband.
And I just got bored, so I'm going to stop writing. Maybe I'll play neopets.
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[10 Jun 2005|07:49pm] |
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mood |
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 stupid |
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music |
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Muse -- Unintended |
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OMGWTFBBQENEMA~!!!!! GUESS WHAT~?!?!?
And otherwise...
I hate girls who're cute when they're mad.
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[15 May 2005|04:15pm] |
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mood |
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 enraged |
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music |
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I don't care right now. |
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Grandmother: When are you going to do anything with your life? You look like Rosie O'Donnel in those pants. Why don't you lose some weight? Why don't you go get a liscense? Why don't you go buy yourself some new clothes?
Me: As soon as I win the lottery and learn the ability to pull a taxi out of my ass.
....
I'm so irritated by the way I fall victim to and then am criticized for someone else's lifestyle. I'm supposed to magically find a way to do everything all by myself while certain other people sit there with their thumbs up their asses. This is one of those days where I feel like screaming a big, fat FUCK YOU and then walking out the door, and just... keep walking and walking without really caring where I end up. Actually, if I started walking down Ford Road I'd eventually after many weeks end up in Colorado and I bet by the time I got there Yoyo-chan would be home. I'd also be deviously skinny.
Instead I will probably sit here and waste away hours and hours until it's time to sleep and then time for work, and then waste away some more hours once I'm done, only to sleep and then work again.
I realized that there is nothing more devastating or painful to me than my feeling of lack of control here. Maybe I should become bulemic, that'll give me some control. Although throwing up is kinda gross. I think I'll be anorexic instead. Yeah. I should also develop some choice form of OCD, so that if I do one thing over and over long enough I might feel like I can control it myself.
I am so tired of making plans. It makes me want to scream. I have enough plans for several lifetimes from birth to retirement, honestly. My life lacks action. Any action, anything at all, even if it's brash and ignorant and cutting, it would be wonderful.
But instead there's nothing. No one wants to let me go. They all have headaches. Something is on TV. My idea is stupid. That's a waste of time.
It's not a waste of time if it means something to me.
I don't want to have to throw a fit just to get to the grocery store.
I have to do something about this. I'm going to start disappearing from this house like a slow burn, going from blisters and festers to simply a dirty memory.
I didn't really want to spring money for a fucking car and car insurance and gas right now because I need to save it for plane tickets and shipping and all that shit. I guess I might have to or nothing in my life will ever happen, ever, not even this move. I don't want be limited by these fucking fuckshit morons, goddammit son of a bitch swear-word-swear-word-extreme-malice-and-homicidal-expression-of-emotions.
I feel exhausted and anxious and buried under a pile of sludge and I'm tired of standing on the sidelines. I am a fucking QUEEN, don't you people realize that~??!!? The world doesn't care about you. The world cares about a person like me. People who stew in their own ass stink in their houses are the most disgusting, revolting, nausea-inducing people in the world and the world hates them. People who block the energy flow of goddesses like me are even worse. They should all die horrible, violent deaths with some slow-killing blunt object. Like a spork. Through the neck.
Maybe I'll go back to sleep, or blow some shit on video games. When I re-emerge I fully expect the world to be bowing at my feet, you fucking pussy shit-headed ass monkeys. [/random unfocused homicidal rage]
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[15 May 2005|04:24am] |
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mood |
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 slutty, apparently |
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music |
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Tool -- The Patient |
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Your Deadly Sins
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Lust: 100%
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Pride: 80%
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Envy: 60%
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Greed: 40%
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Sloth: 40%
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Wrath: 40%
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Gluttony: 0%
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Chance You'll Go to Hell: 51%
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You'll die of a yet to be discovered STD. |
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[14 May 2005|09:46pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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grandpa swearing in the background over a botched DIY |
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So I guess it's time to write something but I really don't have anything cool to say. One of the stupid bitches at work quit so maybe I'll find some way to get her hours. Yay~! Lessee whatelse... I did a bunch of astrology stuff last night and now I'm all astro-ed out. I really need to do my nails, and pay some attention to my wife, my most precious and beautiful Aziel, goddess of my heart and soul, yaddayadda <3.
I wish I could wear nail polish at work. It sucks having this really awesome color and not being able to wear it. I'm going to go nuckinfutzes with the nail polish when I get to Colorado.
OMG, I never did mention that here...
Yoru-chan and I are moving to Denver by the beginning of this fall. XD It's going to be fun. Every day will be like a slumber party.
Hee, peanut butter.
Ew.
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[10 May 2005|10:50pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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Oh, to spread the love. XD
"I dare you...
If there is someone on your friends list you would like to take, strip naked, tie them to a bed post, lick them until they scream, then fuck them until both of you are senseless and unable to fuck anymore, then wait about five minutes and do it all over again, then post this exact sentence in YOUR journal."
( Stupid quizzes heeeere. )
I want a t-shirt that says "I Survived The DOCTOR".
Hey anybody wanna make me a new layout? I'm feeling majorly lazy.
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[05 May 2005|09:58pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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shit. |
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OMGWTF yay you've found my hidden journal and if I've added you that means I love you, and if I didn't add you that means you should spank yourself with a 12 foot neon green dildo. <3
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shr1ekingviol3t's journal